Some people laugh at me when I sing. Should I stop?

I don't really like singing infront of people. I get so scared and I forget the words. I feel some thing will go terribly wrong. I get terrified. But when I am alone I can sing and sing and sing. When I am in the school bathroom and I think I am alone, I sing too! One time I did not know there was some one else in the bathroom and I sang. When I was washing my hands, the girl came out of the cubicle and started laughing at me. I told no one about this and was quiet for weeks. My parents noticed but when they tried to talk with me I ran away, thinking the scene over and over again. How can I improve my scaredness and just sing when I want to sing?

Hi, Liana! I'm so sorry you had that experience. Singing is a very vulnerable, brave thing to do! I encourage you to talk about it with your parents, even though it's scary. Things are always scarier and more embarassing in our heads! Speaking those thoughts aloud really helps. 

You might enjoy this book, "Singing for the self-conscious"! I'm also including an article I wrote on building confidence below. Wishing you the best!

Building confidence as a singer

Camille van Niekerk

 

When it comes to nerves and confidence, we can work from the inside out. That entails:

 

• Gaining performance experience

• Identifying your strengths

• Listening to encouragement from others 

• Addressing the fears at the root of your nerves

 

And that’s all good, but it does take some time. We can also work from the outside in to get some more immediate benefits. That might look like: 

 

• Assuming a tall, confident posture

• Singing with energy and engagement

• Not looking flustered if/when you make mistakes

• Putting confidence on display, even if you don’t feel naturally confident

 

With any skill, we start small and increase difficulty or scale. Here are a few ways you can apply that principle to your singing:

 

1. Choose songs with a relatively narrow range 

 

You’ll feel more confident knowing that the pitches are easy for you to sing! For beginners, it’s best to avoid extremely high or low notes that don’t feel consistent yet. You may also want to avoid your passaggio (the point at which your voice “flips” from chest voice into head voice) until you’ve developed mixed registration and can navigate through that middle section more easily. See https://singingcarrots.com/home for some song ideas listed as “easy” for your range.

 

2. Focus on just one thing per performance. 

 

It can be overwhelming when your goal for a performance is perfection on every level. Rather than that, establish one goal to focus on. Maybe it’s engaging your body or relaxing your jaw. Whatever it is, that can really help ground you.

 

3. Gradually increase the stakes.

 

Your first step might be singing in front of a friend or taking a voice lesson. Next, you may sing with a friend or family member. Then you could sing for a small group of friends or family. Try an open mic night. Send a recording of yourself to a trusted friend or teacher for feedback. Join a local church or community choir. Go to a karaoke bar. 

Of course, you could jump straight into something like an audition or singing at a wedding. But as you gain experience in low-pressure environments, you’ll also gain confidence to gradually increase the stakes. 

 

See below for some more advice from our 30-day beginner course:

 

1. Remember your breath. 

 

When we’re nervous, it’s the first thing to go! So return to that low, relaxed breath, and use it to help calm your body.

 

2. Trust your technique! 

 

When you’ve practiced with good posture and then go to perform, just getting into that same posture helps you “lock in”. 

 

3. Acknowledge what you’re feeling. 

 

Denying or resisting those feelings of anxiety or fear won’t necessarily make them go away. Instead, address them. You can say to yourself, “I’m feeling nervous, because I care about this performance. I’m thankful that I care, and that I have energy to fuel my performance.”

 

4. Use confident postures. 

 

This includes during performance and prior to it. Assuming a confident posture actually increases your testosterone levels and decreases cortisol, meaning you actually are less stressed and more confident (at least biochemically).

 

5. Smile! 

 

And don’t let your face show when you’ve made a mistake. Chances are, you know the song way better than the audience does! They might not even know you’ve made a mistake, unless you act like it.

 

6. Focus on the text and the story. 

 

This one always helps me. It’s a welcome distraction to really throw yourself into the character and the emotion; and that’s our goal anyways! Emotionally connected performances are the best kind. 

 

See this live lesson on performance prep for some more tips on building confidence, managing nerves, and learning from your past performances: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8E3iU5XCNOY.